


Fruits, Vegetables and Teenage Hormones

by redpearl



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: 1x5x1, Bad Sex, Comedy, Humour, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-22
Updated: 2011-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:25:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redpearl/pseuds/redpearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Heero and Wufei got together, they realised there is a big gap in their education.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fruits, Vegetables and Teenage Hormones

Even justice fixated warriors and mission obsessed soldiers are susceptible to love, as Wufei and Heero found out. Cupid's arrow could pierce even the Gundanium armour worn by those two stubborn idiots.

Amazingly, despite all obstacles; the war, their well-meaning-but-obnoxious friends, and the pig-headness of their respective personalities... They mustered up enough courage to confess their love for each other, exchanged eternal vows of devotion, and all that was left was to, ahem, ...consummate their relationship.

That's where they hit a snag.

Heero discovered that Dr. J's training left much to be desired - namely the aforementioned desire and ways to relieve it. The use of various weapons and 101 ways to kill man with his bare hands had almost no practical use in seduction.

Wufei realised that despite his brief marriage, he was not much better off than Heero. His wife, Meiran, had never been unbent enough to try much of, well, anything, and despite having small breasts, Meiran was built **quite** differently than Heero.

\----------

It began like this...

Two boys necking on the coach, touching and kissing each other, their world reduced to the feel of the warm body in their arms, the lips and hands of their beloved, and the lovely friction as their constricted hardness rubbed against each other. Gradually, their movements became more and more clumsy and frenzied...

Then...

Two voices cried out in pleasure, two bodies slumped together, the same stickiness in their pants.

...

...

"We're teenagers. This was supposed to happen."

"Hn."

\----------

That embarrassing incident was humiliating to the two perfectionists, and to ensure that such accidents never happened again, they learnt to get rid of their clothes - all of them - before making out, and they moved their activities to the bedroom.

And since they were already naked...

Wufei decided to be adventurous; a naked Heero laid out in the centre of the bed was too delicious a sight to resist. He plied kisses upon his lover's lips, still amazed that this boy was his to do with as he pleased. He traced kisses along his lover's stubborn jaw line, moved down to suck at the soft skin on the base of his neck, and made a feast out of Heero's chest, licking the hardened nipples... Heero shivered under the attention of his beloved, his cock already standing at attention.

Finally, Wufei moved to his lover's erection, he closed his hand around it loosely, tentatively tasted the moisture leaking from the head. It tasted nice, salty underlined with the unique flavour of Heero. Underneath him, Heero gave a violent jerk, thrusting his erection into Wufei's face, breathing heavily, Heero moaned, "more..."

Wufei smiled wickedly at Heero's reaction, having the Perfect Soldier at his mercy was a much more heady experience than he expected. Wufei closed his mouth around the head and sucked, concentrating on reducing his lover to a mass of quivering nerves, using his enthusiasm to rectify his lack of experience...

Heero lost control, the heat of Wufei's mouth and feel of Wufei's tongue wrapped around his cock was driving him crazy. When Wufei's teeth lightly nicked the sensitive area under the head - he bucked - choking Wufei - whose teeth automatically shut down -

Heero Screamed.

It was not a good scream.

That pretty much ruined the mood.

\----------

Wufei was brooding, failure - any kind failure - did not sit well with him. And even though Heero **said** he had forgiven Wufei, Wufei still had his doubts, especially since Heero refused having Wufei's teeth anywhere near his cock.

Maybe if he could prove to Heero that he had actually mastered the technique, Heero would let him try again?

Maybe if he practised? ... But what could he practice on?

Something yellow in the fruit bowl caught his eye, long and slender - BANANAS!!! Picking one out, Wufei contemplated - could he?

Yes, he could.

Checking that no one else was around, peeling off the outer skin, very carefully, Wufei guided the banana into his mouth... slow, easy... just a bit more...

"Wufei!!"

Wufei choked on the banana.

After much coughing and spitting, he looked up finding the absolute worst possible person catching him doing something... hem... different...from a banana's intended purpose.

Duo Maxwell was staring at him with eyes that almost bugged out of their sockets.

"What the HELL are you doing?!"

"Maxwell, I was just... just...hmm..." Wufei stammered, face flushed crimson.

"GIVING THE BANANA A BLOW JOB?!!!" Duo screeched.

"NO!" Wufei denied fervently.

Duo wasn't convince in the least, "really? 'Coz it looked like a blow job to me." He continued to babble, "Oh man, if you're that hard up why didn't you come to me? What's the matter? Heero won't give you any?"

"No. I Mean YES!!" Wufei blushed several deep shades of red, words spilling out with thinking through, "It's None of Your Business! And I'm doing this FOR Heero..."

Oops! Too late, Wufei shut his mouth, aware that he just provided Maxwell with even more ammunition to embarrass him. From the look of comprehension dawning in Duo's eyes, he was right.

"For Heero... you mean..."

He could almost see the wheels turning in Duo's head.

Duo grinned, too cheerfully for Wufei's peace of mind, "You mean... you were trying it out on a banana?..." He **giggled** , "I didn't think you had it in you, Wu-man. So, what was it? Heero won't let you do him? Did you nick him with those sharp teeth of yours?"

"SHUT UP!"

Duo's eyes lit up at the apparent admission, "Poor Heero," he commiserated.

"SHUT UP, MAXWELL!"

Duo's openly laughing now, "Man, I'm glad I didn't miss this. So, how does Heero compare... Hahahahaahaa... to the... haahaa... banana? Was it a _satisfactory_ … hahaa... substitute... Hahahaaahaaaa"

Wufei fervently wished that the floor would open up and swallow him whole. With as much dignity as he could muster - which wasn't much - Wufei pushed past the still laughing Duo to escape to the sanctuary of his bedroom. As long as Maxwell was alive, he would never come out again.

"Hey, Wu-man!" Duo called after him, "Wanna see how it's done?"

Despite his better judgement Wufei looked back.

And there he was, with a banana in his hand, Duo took a long breath and swallowed the long length of the banana down, down and _down_ his throat, until only the very root remained outside.

Wufei's eyes widened, amazed at the display, "How on earth did you do that?"

Taking out the banana, Duo smirked, "Lots of Practice," he replied smugly, "Wanna try again?"

Wufei flushed again, his eyes glued to the floor. Indecision gripped him, on the one hand, he could learn how to do this, and show Heero he wasn't _completely_ incompetent; on the other hand, he had to trust **Maxwell** to teach him.

...

...

"Would you?" he finally asked in a very small voice.

Heero had better appreciate this.

\----------

Much to Duo's disappointment, Wufei refused to practice on Duo, nor would he let Duo to demonstrate on him. They settled on the banana as the teaching aid.

The next time when Wufei and Heero wrestled nakedly on the bed, Wufei seized advantage and pinned Heero down, and before his lover could object, swallowed him to root.

Heero went down Wufei's throat much easily than before, all those practices had paid off. Wufei brought all Duo's tutoring to bear, reducing the Perfect soldier into a wet puddle of sated flesh.

"That was incredible!" Heero exclaimed after he remembered how to speak again, "How did you learn to do that?"

"Practice."

"Practice?"

"Yeah," lifting a banana from the nightstand, Wufei dropped it in Heero's lap, "Practice."

Heero picked up the fruit, eyeing it suspiciously.

"Practice," he assented.

\----------

After extensive practice sessions, both Heero and Wufei became proficient in the art of fellatio.

Heero was determined never to be caught unprepared again, with that in mind, he sat down in front of his beloved laptop, researching everything he could find on homosexual sex.

Heero never realized there was so much pornographic material on the net. He gapped at the images he saw on some of those sites. Dammit! He just needed some simple, basic instructions, a how-to manual, not these...erotic fantasies.

He quickly exited the site containing images of naked men in leather and chains, even as his mind replayed these images with Wufei in the starring role... But it wasn't as if Wufei would ever consent to... of course not, Wufei would never... he quickly clicked back and book-marked the page.

Just in case.

\----------

Wufei found the answer to his prayers in the form of a book - _The Gay Kama Sutra_. He settled down to read it, and immediately, the contents of the book - especially the graphic instructions - absorbed him. The heat in his groin became undeniable and Wufei squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

Some of those positions weren't really possible, were they?

Unconsciously, he stretched out one leg to mimic the position in the book.

"Interesting book, Wufei?"

The sudden voice shocked Wufei out of his absorption in the book. He almost jumped out of his skin; he did jumped out of his chair and ended a heap on the floor. The book flew out of his hands and landed at Quatre's feet.

Quatre bent down to pick it up.

Wufei groaned, dropping his head in his hands. Why is it that lightening never strikes when you want it to?

Quatre's glance caught the illustrated open pages, he eyes widened, then he flushed a becoming pink, dropping the book like a hot potato that burnt his hand.

"Hmm, I didn't know you have such... eclectic tastes, Wufei."

Realising his slip of tongue, Quatre hastily amended, "In Books! I mean... your taste in books..." he hanged his head in embarrassment, "I think I should go now."

His only answer was an inarticulate moan.

\----------

Due to earlier incidents, Heero decided to try out the next step in their sexual exploration by himself first.

First, he needed to find a substitute object for his lover's penis. Shifting through the various goods in the fridge, Heero considered, maybe something approximate to Wufei's size? Like this cucumber? Measuring the length of it with his hand, Heero felt nervous. It was awfully _long_. Maybe he should try something smaller first, like... A Baby Carrot!

Next, he needed some kind of lubricant. Heero decided against Olive Oil and he crossed off chocolate mousse with regret, he had done enough research to know getting chocolate down _there_ was a bad idea. Pity, he bet the taste of chocolate plus Wufei would be delicious. He grabbed the hand cream Quatre kept beside the sink instead.

The only thing left now was to find a room with a locked door. Their bedroom would do fine.

Heero locked the door, sneaked out of his clothes, lubed the carrots up with cream and attempted to insert one into his anus.

It hurt.

The angle was awkward. He was too tense. He had no idea how to make things easier and he couldn't help feeling stupid, but with the determination that earned him the nickname - _The Perfect Soldier_ , Heero pressed on.

The carrot went in.

It was cold and uncomfortable and it **still** hurt.

Heero threw the carrot away in disgust, flopping face down in his bed in despair.

This was not going to work. If he couldn't handle one little carrot, how was he supposed to handle Wufei - who was **significantly** larger?

Who knew sex would be so difficult?

\----------

That night, lying naked on bed, with an equally naked Wufei hovering between his legs, Heero couldn't help but to ask, "Maybe we shouldn't rush this?"

Wufei give him a reassuring smile, "Don't worry, Heero. I know what to do, I have done a lot of research."

Heero was tempted to say 'So did I,' but he nodded instead.

Closing his eyes, Heero did his best to calm his breathing. He was being stupid. It wasn't as if he was afraid of a little pain. God knows he had suffered pain before, resetting his own leg was painful, crashing through a window and falling fifty feet was painful, self-destruction was _infinitely_ painful, this should be a snap.

But it wasn't a snap. It wasn't anything he had ever done before. It was new and intimate and frightening. He couldn't help but to be afraid.

"Heero," Wufei called softly, seeing Heero opened his eyes again. Wufei offered his lover the lube, "Maybe you'd like to do it instead?"

Heero looked at the lube, then looked at Wufei, his lover was looking at him with dark eyes full concern, it touched his heart and untied the knots in his stomach. Heero shook his head, "No, it's all right. I want this."

And he did. Wanted it. Wanted Wufei.

Wufei smiled, leaned down to give him a long tender kiss and without meaning to, the kissed turned passionate, they were both breathless when it broke off. Heero's body vibrated with passion, driving away the clinging fear, catching Wufei's hand, he brought it down to his opening.

"Do it."

Wufei's finger went in with an ease that surprised him, it was so different from what he expected, the finger was warm and gentle, it touched the deepest part of him, exposing him to the boy who meant the world to him. And he wanted it, wanted to be know by the one person he trusted with his heart.

Then Wufei found it, the elusive magic spot. A jolt of electricity shot through him, from his head to his toes his body was alight with pleasure. Heero cried out wordlessly, shaking and withering under the gentle assaults, his mind blanked out from the incessant building of fire, the only things registering were those dextrous fingers and his lover's tender voice.

"Easy," his lover whispered softly, "easy..."

And it was easy, they flow together like water, dissolving into each other like honey and wine, moving together with the ease of age old rhythm, as if they had done this a thousand times before. It was all so smooth, so natural and so very perfect.

They made love twice more that night, and fell into a blissful sleep in each other's arms.

\----------

The next morning, stumbling his way to the bathroom, Wufei stepped on something hard lying on their bedroom floor. He picked it up, examining it curiously, "Heero, why is there a carrot on our floor?"

"..." Too late Heero remembered he should have to thrown the baby carrot in the trash bin.

"Heero?"

"...hem... practice..." Heero mumbled under his breath, wishing for the world he could disappear in a puff of smoke.

"Practice?"

Heero made a vague gesture with his hand, "...like with the banana..."

Comprehension dawned. Wufei looked at the carrot in his hand critically, "You don't think that little of me, do you, Heero?"

"It's not like that," Heero hastened to explain, "that was just the start, I was going to work my way up..." his lover still looked insulted. "The real thing is much better," Heero tried placating his lover.

"Really?"

"Really. Bigger too. I'm still sore."

That mollified his lover somewhat, Wufei looked critically at Heero instead. He lifted on eyebrow, "A baby carrot? Heero, you're a wuss."

"Wuss?!!"

"Yeah, you know, a wimp, a coward, a yellow-streaked chicken," Wufei looked into Heero's eyes in challenge, pronounced the next word with deliberately slowness, "A W-E-A-K-L-I-N-G."

Heero's temper flared, no one, but NO ONE called **The Perfect Solider** a **Weakling**. He pushed up from bed, glaring the glare-of-death at Wufei, "Take That Back!" he demanded.

"Make me," Wufei purred, a gleeful glint in his eyes and a wicked little smile that just **begged** to be wiped off, “ **IF** you can."

They didn't get out of bed until long after noon.

\----------

Much to their housemates' disgust - even though they were all very happy that their friends had found each other - once Heero and Wufei got over their initial nervousness about sex, they proceed to have **loud, noisy** and surprisingly inventive sex at all hours of day and night. It must be luck that two such normally quiet people were BOTH screamers in bed.

Quatre was particularly upset by the rate of broken lamps in this house, some of which weren't even in their room.

\----------

"Harder! FUCK ME HARDER, HEEEERO!!"

"OH GOD!!! WUUUUUFEEEEEIII!!!"

Thump. Thump. Thump.

 

Duo threw a pillow at he wall that separated him from the horny twins, "KEEP IT DOWN!" he shouted.

Of course the two boys in the other room was too involved in each other to hear him, Duo got out of bed mutter curses under his breath. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in like _forever_ , and if those two didn't give it a rest soon, he would be tempted to do something permanent, just so he could get some sleep.

Damn! He needed ice-cream.

Tugging on a large T-shirt, Duo trudged to the kitchen. He found Quatre was already in there making a sandwich for himself.

"So they're keeping you awake too, huh?"

Quatre nodded miserably, "Maybe I should have someone over to soundproof their room."

"Can't hurt," Duo replied, walking over the fridge to dug out the ice-cream. "So, you want some of this, too?"

...

There was no answer, so Duo turned around.

"Quatre?"

"Trowa," Quatre breathed softly, completely oblivious to Duo's question.

Trowa was standing at the kitchen door. He looked different somehow, but Duo couldn't put his fingers on it. He was only wearing his pyjama pants, his hair looked mussed and his eyes held a strange intensity that Duo had never seen before.

Like Quatre, Trowa didn't seem to notice Duo's existence, his eyes was trained on Quatre.

Quatre starred back wordlessly. Paralysed.

The air in the kitchen crackled with electricity. After what seemed a small eternity, Trowa turned away and walked back out.

Quatre's paralysis broke about two seconds after Trowa disappeared from view, and he bolted after the other boy, throwing out a "youcanhavemysandwichseeyoulaterDuo."

 

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Duo banged his head on the counter, he screamed at he ceiling, "THIS IS SO UNFAIR!! IT'S LOUSY! IT'S..." he searched for the right word, "INJUSTICE!!!"

The ceiling remained silent to his suffering.

Dammit!! This is unbearable! Now he was suppose to deal with FOUR hormone-crazed teenagers instead of just TWO? He was tired, sleep-deprived, lonely and Damned Horny! He was in a house full of cute boys and he couldn't get ANY!!

Life SUCKS!!!

Now, he REALLY needed that ice-cream.

The light inside the fridge illuminated the various foods; bacon, cheese, frozen yogurts, carrots...CUCUMBERS... the light reflected off their smooth surface, long and round... thoughtfully, he took one out...

Duo shrugged.

It was better than nothing.

 

The End.


End file.
